Weekend

Just got back from my first weekend retreat with the Naz youth. It was great and a lot of fun. the guys that I drove with kept me awake while I was driving and then kept me up really late each night. It was worth it as we spent some great time together. I can see God really growing in thier lives.

I am not sure if it was the lack of sleep of the weather but I am feeling not that great at the moment. My ear hurts and is not very comforable at all. But it was so nice to spent the time with the teens and see them grow.

Thanks
RT

New Day

Today is a new day. Not that yesterday was a bad day but today is a new day. I was asked recently to speak at a youth retreat. After I threw up because I was nervous I am starting to get excited to do this thing. I really enjoy hanging out with teens and I hope that I can speak to them clearly and openly. Challenge them in what they are doing in their lives. Bringing them to a new level is something that I hope God can do through me.

Also the office has been really good. Work is changing and I am interested in where this job will be going in the next few months. I have been trying to get through these last few weeks. Wrestling is starting soon and that is something that i am really excited about. I am not sure how we will do this season I have heard that we have lost some people from last year that should have some back.

But my life has changed and will keep on changing.

RT

teaching

I have started helping with teach CDC. I have to say it like that because it is not sunday school at this church. BUt anyways. It was a very tough class and the teens did not want to sit and listen or help out with interacting. So my head was down and I was feeling kind of sorry for myself and thought how can I make this better and really get it to them.

Then as I was getting in my car one of the teens came up to me and said HEY thanks for doing cdc it is great to have you do it.


Thanks that really helped.

RT

Rabbi's Heartbeat....

I am reading a new book that I just got. It is called Rabbi's heartbeat. It is by Bennan Manning of which I have read and enjoyed many of his books. I am been on this theme in the past few months if not past two years of getting into the Rabbi's hands and heart. The book Abba's Child was great for getting me past this thought of self doubt that had been holding me down for so long.

Here is a portion of the book for you and you can get a glimpse of it for yourself:
"It used to be that I never felt safe with myself unless I was performing flawlessly. Unwittingly I had projected onto God my feelings about myself. I felt safe with Him only when I saw myself as noble, generous, and loving, without scars, fears or tears. PERFECT!!"

(back to Ryan's thoughts) This is how I grew up. I felt like I never was close to God unless I was perfect and I still struggle with this each and everyday. I fight the thoughts that I am not good enough unless I am always walking perfect and cannot show my scars or fears that I have. But this is when I read scripture and prayed through and my heart and mind changed.

Here is more, " Then, one radiant morning on a retreat deep in the Colorado Rockies, I came out of hiding. Jesus removed the shroud of perfectionist performance and, forgiven and free, I ran home. I knew that someone was waiting for me. I am Abba's delight. I said goodbye to feeling frightened and said shalom to feeling safe."

This is something that really came out in my life as well. I no longer felt this weight on my back but more of a love and a desire to be near my Abba.

Walking with Him is so amazing it is not a religion but a relationship as I heard one of my teens say.

I am so glad that He was waiting for me to come home. He is waiting for you to come home. All you have to do is start walking home and He will run/sprint after you. No matter what you look like or smell like.

Later
RT

Just sitting here

We had family camp about two weeks ago and it was really nice. I miss being at camp and hearing some sound preaching. The person who was speaking was a former GS in the Nazarene church and pastor of the Osky church way back when.

On the last day that I was there he spoke on having the attitude of Jesus. It was really good but it was something at the end that caught my attention for real. He talked about how each person (especially those in ministry) need three people that are around them a Paul, Timothy and a Barnabas. So I thought about this and looked at who those people are. I called and talked to my Barney this past week after noticing who that was in my life. Barney and I did not get along right away. But it is funny how God works in my life and his. Barney and I have gotten really close and talk alot. We challange each other and encourage each other. He is a fellow person in the ministry. Now many people have told me that I am not in minstry but I feel that I am. I work with teens each winter full time. Now I am also starting to teach sunday school and possibly wed. night program with the teens at the chuch that I am going to.

Also my Paul is a person that is like a teacher to my. He does not know it yet but I watch him from afar. I look at home he does ministry and home someday to be like him. He gives me courage to keep going and I have looked up to him for a while now. Thanks Paul even though you may not know it yet.

Timothy that is one person that I am still waiting for. Maybe God will give me him soon. entrust him to me so that I can pour myself into him that is what he is for.

So who is your Paul, Tim, and barney?

reason our life away

I was talking with someone the other day and they were talking about how things that they were doing were not that bad. I I asked not as bad as what. You see there was a standard that they were using. So that means that what they were doing was not really that good either.

I wonder where are my thoughts and priorities? Is was I am doing not that bad/or not as bad as what someone else is doing? I talk to people all the time at work and also deal with teens that attend the church that I am going to now. The people, you see they are watching me all the time and asking questions and seeing me do things. How am I spending my life in what I do during the day. I had a customer really rip me on a webstite and it hurt alot and my first thought was to post a comment and rip him because I know who he is and he is a jerk. But that is not what I knew I should do as a follower of Christ.

What did I do you might ask? Well, I looked at myself and how people look at me and changed my approach at what I do. I looked at my job as a place that I can show there is a different way to live, that there is something that is different about my life and how I react to things that happen in my life that suck and people that need to be punched in the head.

I am building relationships with people each and everyday if I know it or not. I want to know it though. I want to be apart of their lives and make an impact within each day. Now I go back to my opening statement....reason our life away. How do people look at you? Do they see someone who can do anything that they want because they are free in Christ and it is not written down word for word. Are we living our lives pure and holy?? Set apart for Christ's service?

Not sure....I am really trying to do that. Build relationships.

RT

not much time

yesterday I was walking the dogs down the street and two young men stopped me and wanted to ask me a question. It turns out the they were mormans and were out trying to convert a lost soul. I talked with them for a while and then we went our separate ways.

I was also at a Twins game recently and witnessed a young woman praying. She was a Muslim woman. People walked by and were making comments about her but she kept on going about her business.

I know that we do not agree with them and that we are far apart in places. But what if Christians took the time to actually live out their faith. I have a lot of respect for her that she was willing to do this with 30,000 people around her. I did not see a Christian doing this. I know we are to do this is private but she was not doing this to draw attention to herself. She was off in her own corner and doing what she had to do.

I am not sure what I am trying to say but I wish I had more guts to talk to people more often about what I think and share time with people. Building relationships is where it has become for me. That is where I am trying to start and become more like Christ.

Where are you improving at?